Okay, a guy I hooked up with in high school wants to hook up again.  Mind you, we had great fun... hehe.

I told him that since I was still legally married that I would have issues. 

 

Told him I didn't want to be like my father.  Told him I have issues with myself.

 

He thought I was hot then and still thinks I'm hot.

 

Holy F.... what am I thinking?

 

So should I tell him if he comes to see me that we need to find a place to be alone?

 

AHHHHHH!

Okay, so... i've read somewhere that one of my most favorite people in the universe has 3 sons.  Wow.  One I knew about, the other recently born and the third is 10 years old.  Okay... if I'm figuring the math correctly... this is the break down...

wife one in 96 had first child in 2002

divorced wife one in 2005

wife two child two march 2006

reveals that he and wife two have another child aged 10 years ... now one can only conclude 2 things ... he had an affair while he was engaged to wife one resulting in child 3 or he adopted wife 2's child ...

also revealed ... wife two was a longtime girlfriend ... call me stupid but doesn't that imply infiedlity somewhere?

 

i can just imagine that if my husband should get remarried after we get divorced (to Jodi whatever) he too can say this is my longtime girlfriend.

 

i'm sorry, call me stupid again if i think that cheating on your spouse is wrong and shouldn't say so.  i know A LOT of people do it but that doesn't make it right.  how could you ever trust that person again?  i know my ex-step monster never trusted my dad again and she was right not to!!  So, how is it fair to the one that was hurt by the adulterous spouse?

 

sorry again ... i know i don't know the whole story behind the matter with this person ( oh i so wish i did!! )

 

but why is it that people do such silly things?  are they addicted to sex?  are they just not satisfied at home?  i think i ask myself these questions everytime someone mentions it.  it can be very hurtful no matter what the circumstances are.

 

he just lost a few points in my book.  i still am madly in love with him (hehe) but wow.  it shouldn't have been much of a shock though.  men can rarely be alone.

Here I am, sitting at someone else's computer, in someone else's house in another state.  Am I happier here?  Don't know.  I've gone through two jobs in a month.  One I didn't really want, the other I wasn't sure.  I'm pretty sure that the reason that I lost the second (the first I gave up for the second) was because I'm female and white.  You'd have to understand the circumstances for the thought behind that.

 

It makes me wish more and more that I could just crawl under a rock.

 

I spent four years as an MP and I was told all that my training equated to was a security guard.  Wonderful!  SO I have a chance to do security for a school district and they let me go because they don't want me to get hurt.  The whole security staff at the school is black including the supervisor.  So, what exactly am I supposed to think?  As far as I know there are no white female security guards in the district.  Piss me off?  Absolutely! 

 

I was telling a friend of mine about it last night at a station meeting.  He laughed and said do they not know you were in the military?  I said yeah they do.  So, again, what am I to think?

 

I'm not loud, I don't treat the kids like criminals (unless they give cause for us to be suspicious) and most of them are not terrible.  I'm not too much older than the oldest Senior in the school but I understand what it's like to be in high school.

 

So, again, what am I to think?

 

Here I am, no job, a child to feed and clothe, and I have little hope of finding a job that will pay me enough to support myself and my girl.  All the prayers I can get would be awesome.