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    29 aprile

    Why should I bother?

    Just when I thought my life was going well ... it suddenly turns to shit.  So why do I bother at all?  I'm going to the school I want, finally but why should I bother trying to fix my life?  The plan I laid out to make certain other plans happen means nothing without the end goal.  When will the end goal be reinstated?  Who knows.  Does it hurt?  Every second.  I can't be alone without breaking down into tears.
     
    The feeling of finally feeling whole and unbroken has disolved.  I think it was just illusion to begin with.  I think I am destined to be a lonely, broken woman.  My bug doesn't need to see me that way all the time.  I need to her to be happy, healthy and whole.  I don't want my life to be hers.  I want so much for her but I can't be there. 
     
    So thanks to the people I talked to that I thought I could trust because someone else told me they could be trusted.
     
    Everyone can just forget me.  No, I won't be fine.  Nothing wil ever be okay again.
    7.36 | Pubblica su blog

    Commenti (3)

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    Jadeha scritto:
    I was talking more about something that was going down with me and jay but yeah that kind of pissed me off too.  I understand what you were saying I do but I have to fix me as one of Jay's requirements was to fix me and restore the woman he fell in love with.  I talked to my ex-mother-in-law and I don't think she's up for her son to try to have Kira all the time.  She'd love it but he's not got his head on straight.  But I've not talked in length about it with her.  Just that she knows his head isn't in the right space.
    20 Lug.
    Jadeha scritto:
    I was talking more about something that was going down with me and jay but yeah that kind of pissed me off too.  I understand what you were saying I do but I have to fix me as one of Jay's requirements was to fix me and restore the woman he fell in love with.  I talked to my ex-mother-in-law and I don't think she's up for her son to try to have Kira all the time.  She'd love it but he's not got his head on straight.  But I've not talked in length about it with her.  Just that she knows his head isn't in the right space.
    20 Lug.
    Ldr Clmrha scritto:
    Just because I dont agree with your decisions doesnt mean I dont give a shit about you, I care believe me I do, but I wont sit back and lie to you just to make you feel better if what I see you doing could lead to some worse circumstances than what you feel you are already in...Nicki you know I wouldnt lie to somebody I hated let alone someone who is my friend, and what sort of friend would I be if I started by lying to you about how I felt over some of your recent choices. I am not trying to be cold or cruel, I am just trying to keep you safe, you have the luxury of having your little girl with you, where as I could only wish for that same good fortune to befall me where I would have Bo and Rook with me, as much as you want to return to a combat position, I am telling you that for all the fighting and torment you had to go through to get her and keep her with you instead of that deadbeat piece of shit you made the mistake of marrying....DONT put your self in the position where he can come back and try and take her again, because if that happens, then the last 2 years of your life was for sweet fuck all!
    My job as your friend is to insure you and your family are safe and to tell you when I see things that might put you in harms way! My duty as your friend is to see to it that you learn from the benefit of my mistakes without you having to make them to see for yourself. So yeah, just because I didnt jump up and down and cheer you on when you said you wanted to go back reg-force didnt mean that I stopped caring, it just meant that I cared enough to tell you about all the bullshit that could happen to you if you did!
    14 Mag.

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